Entry 02 Guru ~ another light of illusion

Meeting a living ‘Guru’ promises the path of Self realisation to you and inevitably the destruction of your life. This is a full-on sentence, but it's one that I have experienced first-hand. I've come to realize that there is a definite distinction between the gurus of the past, and the now self-appointed gurus of the new age, and of modern times. Its these so-called teachers that I refer to when I say, these are the teachers that will ruin your life. Of course, the whole reason to be with a teacher of ‘Truth’ is to help you transcend your illusory life, but it's when they slowly take over your life and draw you into yet another web of illusion that you will realise that you’ve been had. This is what happened to me – and it totally shattered me.  

 I have had various connections to guru figures since I was a child. By virtue of my cultural upbringing, being born into an Indian family. Going to temple, being told mystical stories. Having images of holy Indian saints, and gurus in the house; all of whom came from a different time. In Eastern philosophy, it is said that we are now living in ‘Kaliyuga’ – the dark age, where ignorance of our true nature is prevalent, and the light of our true nature has been subdued so much so that it remains mostly covered with the denser functions of our mind. We have made a sharp decent from the time of ‘Satyug’ – the golden age, or the age of truth, where the light of being was at the forefront of our awareness. 

The gurus were there to spark the light within us, to propel us to awaken to our true nature, to truth and all that trancends ‘maya’– the material world. These gurus were special souls that came from pure dimensions of existence, who despite being immersed in the material world and surrounded by materialism, could not be lured away from their goodness, purity, knowing and devotion to truth. They came with special powers and abilities. It is documented that Guru Nanak (1469 A.D) moved mountains, traveled on the astral plane, healed the sick, and similarly Jesus Christ (6-4 B.C) could transform matter metaphysically and heal those that were ailing – these are just a few of the gifts they possessed. Each religion speaks about the sublime messages that each avatar left for humanity to contemplate and cherish. When I learnt about these amazing beings as a young child, I was completely taken – something in my joyful heart knew the truth of their universal love filled messages.  

As I grew older and more aware, I came to know other teachers of truth from a modern time that were also known as ‘gurus’. These beings had special knowledge of truth, and whilst they came at a different age, they didn't have the same ability as the avatars that proceeded them; but by virtue of their presence and connection to peoples inner most beings, they had the ability to transform people metaphysically and awaken people to deeper level of consciousness.  Gurus/teachers such as Paramhansa Yogananda, Osho – Bhagwan Siri Rajnesh, Omraam Mikhael Aivanhov, Chogyam Trungpa and Adiyashanti. I am well acquainted with their teachings, having followed their profound and individual philosophies since my teenage years. Each one appeals to a different aspect of the human psyche, and then it's a matter of what you resonate with. 

By the time I was 19 I had decided that finding a living guru was the only way that I could move forwards on my own spiritual path. Soon this calling took over my whole existence, I couldn't focus on my life, studies or anything in the physical world. After 2 years, after facing some dark times within myself, I left my life and 3 days later I met a guru - a person who was more new age that I had ever experienced. But this time I met a spiritual teacher in the flesh and my experience was no less than profound.  

All those that you meet along the way are a guru in some form; I now realized that all encounters on the spiritual path, every teacher that comes into your awareness, every book that comes your way, YouTube video you find, leads you to that one guru who you naturally resonate with. The who can reach into your psyche with some degree of ease. I say this is a soul connection that is predestined from before birth, a somewhat ‘reunion of souls’. When I met him, I felt like I had known him my whole life and even before this lifetime.  This ‘guru’ became everything to me. After experiencing Profund awakenings and energetic openings in his presence – I came to see him as a true embodiment of spiritual energy and equated him with being a highly enlightened teacher. My connection to what I saw him as took over my life. I now see how unhealthy this had become. However, in the Eastern traditions, connection and faithfulness to a guru who has awakened you, supersedes everything in life. It's a level of loyalty that is very hard to relate to by someone who has not followed a ‘spiritual path’. In that respect, I was living a spiritually faithful life...how naive I was... 

 I was warned by my cultural upbringing, to look out for spiritual teachers who can manipulate people by virtue of their own mastery of their energetic bodies – {in the east that is known as Ridhi's and Siddhis} . Its known about in the yogic communities and can often serve as a distraction from the true spiritual endeavor of full realization of the innermost being. Despite this knowledge, I still fell for the trap; I still felt my guru was pure and was not using his powers.  Years later, I now know without a shadow of a doubt that the whole concept of ‘Guru’ is an illusion too. A guru is like A kaleidoscope of light and seeing..... They will give you another version of illusion, a more evolved version of the illusion you are trying to transcend. A prettier sparkle-ier version. All you must do is submit your consciousness to him and to redirect your awareness to him. This is the worst trap, because once you are hooked in, it is near enough impossible to break free. Such is the strength of the energetic hold he will have over you, through your own naive submission.  

 The connection to guru becomes the ultimate distraction, especially for someone who is young in awareness and impressionable. My guru had become my all, my protection – my connection to my soul , my being and all that is deeper – he was the key to my innermost treasure. In some way, the guru becomes your dealer and you a junkie waiting for your next hit... the hit of ‘spiritual disassociation’. The drug of all the ‘seekers’. The ultimate trap. I was one of those junkies – but I truly believe that I was saved by the prayers of my ancestors. And for that blessing, I wish to help and warn others. I don't say this lightly, it's taken me a few years to find the courage to speak about this. I used to believe that even questioning a ‘guru’ was the worst thing one could do and would result in some kind of irreversible spiritual disconnection. Another lie that I was fed in my naivety.  

After the death of my dear father I began to question things even more profoundly. What brought me to question the intention’s and the ‘hold’ that my then guru had on me and others, was a series of devastating events within the community that surrounded him. One of the first triggers being the apparent suicide of a young woman in my gurus community whom I knew. It was at this point that I began to seriously question my guru's teachings and philosophies. Some years later, I realized my teacher was not what he projected himself to be and that was complicit in a huge gut-wrenching deception. It has surfaced that there has been massive sexual abuse – and there are currently 8 allegations of sexual assault against not only him, but against his wife also. I won't speak about it as the criminal trial in Canada is due to begin later this year – and after hearing directly from some of the people who have been allegedly sexually and psychologically abused by my past guru, it deeply traumatized me.  

There is a whole study of sexual abuse in spiritual communities. The ‘psychosexual’ abuse of women in religious groups and spiritual communities; complex themes of sexual submission and hierarchies of power that are in play. It's something that in the past few years, I have spent a good deal of time exploring and I think it's an important aspect in spiritual community that needs to come to light. The word cult is a powerful one.  

It's taken me almost 3 years to sort through all of this. Coming to the realization that what I once held so dearly, what once had more meaning to me than my own life, was a farce and an ultimately another illusion. I went to therapy to honor all aspects of myself – and to be able to make sense of what I had faced – the disillusionment of my ‘guru’ and my long-standing connection to him. so often in spiritual communities we are taught not to trust or own thinking and feeling. To just accept things ‘as is’. To not give importance to the surface life. I feel this is not only misleading but highly irresponsible; as without having a solid foundational of understanding of the value of both the thinking mind and the feeling body, one cannot master discernment. And without discernment, no true knowledge can ever be fully realized and embodied.  

 I have been re-reading various spiritual texts that were key in helping me to develop that very discernment – and now on deeper reflection, everything has a rather more heightened meaning. One fundamental spiritual text that I highly regard – is – ‘Cutting through spiritual materialism’ by Tibetan meditation master, Chogyam Trungpa. The chapter ‘The Guru’ enlightens us to an understanding of the often-complex dynamics that exist between seeker and guru. [He refers to the guru as ‘spiritual friend’]. I feel this is a beautiful and honest reflection... 

‘It has been said that the first stage of meeting one's spiritual friend is like going to a supermarket. You are excited and you dream of all the different things that you are going to buy: the richness of your spiritual friend and the colorful qualities of his personality. The second stage of your relationship is like going to court, as though you were a criminal. You are not able to meet your friends demands and you begin to feel self-conscious, because you know that he knows as much as you know about yourself, which is extremely embarrassing. In the third stage when you go to see your spiritual friend, it is like seeing a cow happily grazing in a meadow. You just admire its peacefulness and the landscape and then you pass on. Finally, the fourth stage with one's spiritual friend is like passing a rock in the road. You do not even pay attention to it; you just pass by and walk away.’  

In a way the painful deception that I was confronted with ultimately rid me of my attachments and illusions, it turned out to be my biggest gift... it liberated me. My pain again became my most graceful blessing. The most honorable and most kind late Pope Francis said: ‘God has the heart of a father.’  I now know that despite seductive spiritual teachings, grandiose claims and displays of energetic control, nothing except God almighty has any real power over us. That power is beauty and grace. No matter how we suffer or what our lives look like on the surface , whatever illusions we get drawn into and whatever deceptions may befall us– with the return to our pure intentions and heart, we are always gently reminded time and again, that we are love and that we are loved. The illusion of guru is dead – and only then can love authentically live.  

Yours in truth 

Sonia x